This site is Bananas!

Jen V's friend recently introduced me to Smart.fm, which is pretty much the coolest educational site ever (...but then, I'm not really big on frequenting educational sites). Anyways, the site helps you learn languages for free! For realsies! So now I am brushing up on my Japanese by taking "Japanese Core 2000", which introduces you to 2000 words--and while I already know many Japanese words, I don't know the kanji for a lot of them, so it is really very helpful. But everyone should look into it, even people not going to a foreign country--there are still way cool things you can check out there. There's even one program that teaches British English for Americans! Isn't that fabulous?

Here's a picture of some Japanese cake, because I am hungry.

Okay, that's all for now!

Get out of here already!

So, I have decided...

To avoid posting late at night after drinking too much caffeine. It just leads to Xanga-ish ranting.

I'm starting to get a little annoyed that I can't purchase my plane ticket until after I get my certificate of eligibility (company policy). Because apparently, I won't be getting my COE until 2-4 weeks before departing. 2-4 weeks! I will only have 2-4 weeks to get a plane ticket to Japan in the summer! I'm a little anxious that 1. there may not be flights left that meet the instructions that I have to follow (timewise, that is) and 2. that the remaining seats (if available) will be a ridiculous amount of money. What could have cost around $400 is looking to be closer to around $1,000 at this point (and mind you, this is one way).

I'm also starting to get concerned about other logistical stuff like selling my car, or deciding what kind of deodorant I should get a year's supply of (I mean, should I just stick to one variety of the same brand, or should I have a smorgasbord of scents and strengths that I can mix and match to match my mood? Decisions!). I'm starting to feel really grown-up lately as well, because the only time I think about clothes shopping is when I'm imagining buying a new suit. And I'm starting to feel more acutely what it means to be gone for a year, and what that means in terms of whether I'll come back or not. Being grown-up is a funny thing to decide upon.

でも。。。これはわたしのたんじょうび。。。マシー。。。

Blogger is hella confusing (there--there, are you happy NorCal-ers? Can I be tight in your eyes now?). While trying to befriend my friends, I think somehow I ended up following myself (which is pretty impressive when you think of the implications).

My hair smells like campfire smoke. Nothing to do with anything, but it's past midnight and in the past couple of hours I've had a diet Coke and a Monster. Jenni guilted me out of going on a walk so late at night, mumbling something about murderers and and knives and badgers (she was watching '48 Hours', so I can't blame her, really--and it is her dog I walk with, after all).

What does this have to do with Japan? Absolutely nothing. And it won't. Come on, man! Not everything on here has to do with Japan. Also, not everything on here has to do with something.

What I really want to mention is how awesome playlists are; they really are iTunes gift to the world. Never has making a mixtape been so easy. Right now, I have this playlist entitled "Hot Sexy Mix", which features the following songs (if anyone would like me to make them a copy):

1. Feel it in My Bones (Tiesto ft. Tegan and Sara)

2. Flashing Lights (Kanye West)

3. SexyBack (J.T. and Timbaland)

4. Right as Rain (Adele)

5. Womanize (B. Spears)

6. Poker Face (HRH Gaga)

7. Fair Game (The Like)

8. Fireworks (Nicholas Hooper)

9. Dream On (Robyn)

10. Comfortably Numb (Scissors Sisters)

11. I don't feel like Dancing (SciSisters)

12. Kiss You Off (SciSis)

13. For Our Elegant Caste (Of Montreal)

14. Not Fair (Lily Allen)

15. Great DJ (The Ting-Tings)

Basically, I wanted to put #1 on a CD, and I needed some other songs that I didn't yet have on CD to go with it, but they needed to be fairly fast paced to keep the atmosphere.

Oh, I just felt the energy drink crash. I'm ending this now before it gets absurd. -er.

Packing Lists

One of my favorite things to do is make packing lists. It's a ridiculous obsession, but I really enjoy imagining the things that I will have in a foreign country (or state, or even city, it really doesn't matter the distance). I especially like to draw little outfits next to the clothing category. I tend to make the lists insanely far in advance (we are talking years here sometimes--but usually just months). But the lists tend to be really ridiculous, because I'll have all these coordinated outfits and little notes like:

Bring a ziplock bag of baking soda

Check Ross for the soft, fatty headphones

Scavenge house for 3m Hooks, because someone has to have bought them already

...but I'll forget to add everyday important things toothpaste and deodorant (but don't worry! I usually get them...eventually). But the super, absolute most ridiculous part of it is that I very rarely actually use these lists--I usually have to pull an all-nighter the day before the big trip when all plans for organization get shot to hell, and I'm usually found crying in frustration around 3 in the morning because I can't find my debit card and none of my jeans are dry since I forgot to wash them until that moment.

Anyways, the point is that I can't do that this time, since I won't be coming back for awhile. Year-while.

Embarassing revelation

I've been trying to get back into the swing of Japanese, which isn't really very easy (compounded by such a break since studying it). Even two months spent in Japan didn't get me back to the point where I stopped; the biggest help in my progress so far has been tutoring; relearning the technical elements. And while that's all well and good, I still need to understand it more conversationally--especially since my informal understandings of speech are weak. So my truly mortifying confession is...I've been watching anime lately to try and get used to the flow of the language. And yes...I enjoy it (oh dear). The reason I'm so embarrassed is that there is usually a stereotype of Americans who watch anime, and yes; I am superficial enough not to want to be associated with it. And I'm sure you know what I'm talking about--the skinny, nervous looking white boys who desperately seek after an adorable little Asian girlfriend; the girl who likes to wear cat ear hats (always some sort of animal ears! Keep those fursonas hidden away!) and rainbow knee socks because she thinks that's what they dress like in Harajuku (...it isn't. See earlier post on Harajuku). Really, I can't judge, since I've come along way in the evolution of my personal style (since I used to live in bright spandex and cat t-shirts in the 5th grade)--but mainly I would also not like to be lumped into that category, thank you (heh heh...cat-egory...)--mainly because I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone with my fun-sized pets and unicorn poster collection.

So, my series of choice is "Ouran High School Host Club", a comedy based off the growing trend in male host clubs with the twist of the club being an actual high school club at an elite private school. I was interested in this show after watching "The Great

Happiness Space: Tale of an Osaka Love Thief", which is an amazing and heart-breaking documentary of a Japanese host club. The anime and documentary really have very little in common, besides the fact that the hosts take on an appealing identity to charm women into parting with their money. Slight background for those of you who don't know what a male host club is: super-styled young guys (my stepbrother would probably describe them as dandies) entice women into their restaurant/bar/club where they laden them with compliments and affection, effectively getting the women to fall in love with them, becoming their ideal boyfriend whom they only see at night (much like a vampire, in a way). Comedic anime is fun because it takes these elements of real life and exaggerate it with such a swagger that it's easy to get dragged into it's humongous-eyed glow and pastel dreaminess. Real-life hosting is a fascinating phenomenon, but reflects the idea that if loneliness is a sickness, then treating it by getting in a relationship with a host is the equivalent of taking a cough drop to cure cancer.

But boy, does that have absolutely nothing to do with what I originally was going to go on about in this post! What I meant to say was: Hey, I'm trying to freshen up my Japanese and am doing so by watching anime because it's difficult to pause and rewind conversations with actual Japanese people, and even though it's a little embarrassing, I actually like it a little bit.

Who am I kidding? I dressed as Sailor Moon for Halloween one year. Whatever, I don't need to impress you.

Holy Smokles!

Last week, I had to send in my diploma + tons of signed papers + 5 passport photos to my new company so that I can get pre-Visa approval. They sent me a reply 2 days later (2 days! So quick!), returning my diploma along with a Japanese culture guide + English magazine about Japan. It was a heartwarming little bundle; little things like this make me feel more secure about my decision. Some days I tend to get really excited; others I have to gather my nerves and convince myself that this is what I want to do. And then I remember it's just a year, for crying out loud; it's a drop in the pond.

Fings!..and the events following.

Oh my goodness. I sent in the materials today to acquire my visa. I am going back to Japan for realsies now.

As of June 21st, I will be headed to Shiki, Saitama to work for a year in an English conversation school. This idea has been with me for the last few years, and it's exciting and frightening and incredible to finally see it come to fruition.

It also came at a time when I had just gotten to the point of unemployment exhaustion; I had fallen into the mentality that not only were there no jobs available; but that even if there were, I wouldn't be smart enough/skillful enough/all-around competent enough to be up for the task. It was a strange mindset that I had been trapped in for a few months, but as I left the interview for this position, I felt like I had suddenly taken a breath of fresh air. I know that so much of my uncertainty and fear came from the idea that identity is found in what we do and who we are with, and if we are unemployed and lonely, our identity is a hollow shell. Even then I knew that this self-conception was not bound in reality, but what we know and how we feel are often two very different things. With that comes the tangle of expectations; expectations has come to be synonymous with 'unrealistic' and 'eventual disappointment' in my mind, but perhaps that's not a bad thing.

I want to go into this willing to be open to whatever possibilities are presented to me. I know that sometimes I am so tempted to force things to happen a certain way because I think that is how things should be; how I think I want them to be. How things turn out to be should not be based on how I will them to occur based on some preconceived notion of rightness, but how I encounter new opportunities in grateful willingness.

So with that, I will be going to Japan.